So many have asked how do you recover from love violated and trust destroyed… It’s scary but one must take the leap and dare to love again. I remember years ago I was running track at school. I had become quite good at jumping hurdles. I was made for it. I was fast with extra long legs that caused me to soar easily over the obstacles placed in my path. One day I suppose I had grown a bit too confident. I didn’t pace myself well or count out my steps correctly to prepare for the leap. Sure enough I brought my leg down too soon and dragged the hurdle behind me, wounding myself as the hurdle scraped the length of my leg leaving me with quite an ugly and painful scar. From that moment I couldn’t bring myself to jump again. I faltered everytime I approached a hurdle. In my disappointment I abandoned something I had loved and excelled at. I never trusted myself to get it right again. Love is like that. Perhaps we grow too confident and don’t do the work it takes to keep our hearts intact. We underestimate our instincts and overestimate the capacity of our partners to take care of our hearts. We don’t pace the relationship well, we leap too soon, relax when we shouldn’t, or wesimply make repeated bad choices. And then worse of all, once we’ve been hurt we fear leaping again and forsake the very thing that gave us joy altogether. This is usually when we cut off the wrong person and miss out on the love that we truly wanted!
The key to a healthy recovery is in the cliff notes version, a few simple steps:
1) Acknowledge that love will always be a risk, but it is a wonderful decision. After all God took a risk on loving us all. Some of us responded, some did not.
2) Every heartache holds valuable lessons that strengthen us for the next experience. You do not have to have a repeat of your last disappointment. Live, love and learn.
3) Acknowledge the pain. Take responsibility for the parts that are yours, whether you ignored the signs or contributed to the demise of your relationship only you can say– but be honest with yourself. The truth will make you free!
4) Choose to accept the humanity of the other person and forgive. People can only do what they know to do. If they don’t know how to love you properly that is not your fault. It is your fault for not taking the time to know if they were worthy of trusting them with your heart.
5) Remind yourself that your past does not dictate your future. Love is worth the risk because of the great rewards in store when we get it right. Know that you will never lose if you choose to love in spite of the other persons response. We are always the richer for giving. Dare to love again. Remember the deception always comes before the blessing, don’t miss it! Run slower, jump higher and love as if you’ve never been hurt before.
If you want to read more on this topic. order my book Release the Pain, Embrace the Joy, How to Get Past Disappointment and The Real Deal on Overcoming Heartache. log on to michellehammond.com and click on the store to order. Love does prevail!