Can You Be Whole Without A Man?

A lot of us grew up feeling that wholeness would come from a relationship. Women are taught and believe from a young age that a man will come along who will make everything all right. That some man would be their knight in shining armor. That he will to come sweep them up and rescue them from their doldrums, their boredom, their life as they know it and take them into a whole new life. This is a great hope but it is also an illusion.

Everyday you read any number of different magazines and self help books, all doling out prescriptions and remedies for making ourselves whole without the help of God even though some may talk of a higher power or Supreme Being. But God, in his attempt to make us whole, is much more purposeful and precise than the temporary fixes they offer. He knew we would mess up and came up with a permanent solution. One incredible dose of His prescription for overall wellbeing would restore our emotional health and wholeness – His Son Jesus. Isn’t it incredible that one broken life could make countless others whole? The reason that Jesus came, it says in John 3:16 was to save us. To sozo us, as the original Greek infers. To make us whole, to give us a sense of well being, to save us from bondage and destruction. His desire is to give us an overall feeling of being whole.

Because the Lord is my Shepherd, He restores my soul. That is a promise from God as quoted by King David in Psalms 23. Upon receiving Christ as savior, our spirit is born again and renewed. But there has to be a transformation. That takes place in the renewing of our mind, the saving of our mind, will and emotions. The mind has to think a new way, the emotions have to be harnessed, and the will has to yield to a new and different set of instructions that will be contrary to popular world standards… Doing things Gods way is truly different. The world comes up with a lot of ideas on what it takes to reach that coveted place called wholeness but they are all temporary fixes at best. God has a more permanent fix in mind.

A pregnant woman quickly discovers as her pregnancy progresses that she is no longer in control of her body. The new life inside of her begins to rule. Certain favorite foods no longer agree with her system. She has to change the position she sleeps in. Her clothing has to change to accommodate the new shape she is in. No she is definitely not in control. When we make up our minds that we want a new life we can no longer do things the same way we used to do them. Our habits have to change to allow the new life we crave to be formed in us. These are changes we should be willing to make because we anticipate great things coming from the new life we expect. God wants to give us new life, and even better than that we wants to renovate our love lives but we must be willing to allow Him to rule.

The heat is on. The pressure is mounting daily as society on a whole has forgotten one crucial fact — that we are human beings not human doings. Our whole identity, whether Christian or non-Christian, has become defined by what we do. If someone is a doctor, a lawyer or have some other sort of vocation, which gives them a sense of definition and self, they feel good about themselves. But your vocation can never make you whole. For some people it is money. If they have a lot of it they somehow feel safe, secure and whole. High- end clothing works for others. But money and material possessions cannot provide that which was meant to be provided by God.


Now lets qualify this. There is the capacity for happiness in a relationship between a man and a woman that is not available to a single person. On the other hand, there is also a misery that people who are not in relationships will not experience. Ed Cole, author of Maximized Manhood, says that marriage is the closest thing to heaven or hell that you can find on earth. Therefore it is safe to say that marriage is not the key to happiness. God would not base our wholeness on something that requires another
person’s participation. It was always Gods ideal that when two people are married they were to share one hope, one spirit, treat each other with love, serve one another, and respect one another so that it could be an awesome relationship that brought joy to the participants and glorified Him. However when one person is joined to a mate that has different values that they do not respect they will have difficulty serving one another as they should. Unfortunately, for this reason more people are enduring hurting relationships than enjoying healthy ones.

The illusion that was painted for Adam and Eve is still being presented to us today — that we can be independent of God, make our own judgments, make our own decisions and still be whole. This line of thinking was proven wrong from the beginning of time and continues to carry us further and further away from the wholeness we crave… When God comes on the scene the question, “Where are you?” (the same question he asked Adam and Eve) voices His thoughts toward us. In other words, you did what you thought you should do and it turned out badly. Now are you ready to do what I tell you to do? Or do you still think my instructions are a hindrance that will somehow keep you from happiness as opposed to positioning you to receive it?

We need to take another look at an often-used Bible word “repent”. Most definitions of this word say to turn. If you look at the root and break the word down, re, the prefix, means to do over and pent means to think or to re-think. The reason we make bad decisions is because of a flawed belief system. We have arrived at inaccurate conclusions, the basis for wrong decisions, which sends us in the wrong direction. Therefore we arrive at the wrong location.

God wants to us to believe the counsel He offers, seize it, live it and get on with the joyful business of being whole. Noted author and teacher, Mike Murdock, states that whatever has distracted you has mastered you. On too many occasions, while on the road to wholeness, we get distracted by the things that we were taught would make us whole. Just like our friend that Jesus found lying by the pool. In his mind, his wholeness was based on a person … Are you lying by the same pool? What will your answer be when Jesus asks “Do you want to be whole?” Surely you can think of a better answer than, “ I have no man.”

Excerpt from “What Women Don’t Know and Men Don’t Tell You” order your copy on or today.

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