Thoughts on Love and Men

What does it profit a woman to gain a man and lose her soul! Ladies get a grip, a man should add to who you are, not make you over
If a man leaves your life he should leave you a better woman than he found you. That way it’s his loss & not yours. Always maintain.

A man should never be able to rearrange your identity, posture or attitude. Know your worth and don’t discount yourself for anyone.

When a man tells u who he is believe him & make your choices accordingly. Don’t blame him 4 being consistent. Blame yourself 4 not listening

If a man decides he doesn’t want u it has less to do with u & more to do with who he is or isn’t. Thank him 4 not blocking yr view.

There is never an excuse for jumping out of character and acting ugly unless that is who you really are. Maintain dignity.

When the audience stops applauding & enabling bad behavior actors will have to find a new way to make a scene.

If marriage & coupling up are the goal you will always choose the wrong partner. The person should inspire the purpose in your life

A cloth in the store doesn’t change its pattern because its been mishandled and put back. Be who you are no matter what! Say Next!

Stop abdicating responsibility for yourself & blaming men for bad behavior. It gives them way more power than they really have.

We need to love the brothers but keep the power to be who we are. After all that is what attracted him in the 1st place.

Just remember a man will only do what he is allowed to do. Don’t blame or complain, handle your business.

When a woman knows her worth & power quietly living it, the man in her life will rise to the occasion & honor her. You set the stage.

Men get a bad rap. They are not bad, just confused. Lets stop sending mixed signals & be clear about what we want/need from them.

Don’t tell a man you can deal with his cheating and then get mad when he does it. You gave him permission! Think before you agree!

Desperation for love should never make you compromise your standards. Your needs will come back 2 haunt you. Keep it real and be honest about what you want for both your sakes.
Above all things, no matter how the relationship goes… Be A Lady!

Life Lessons Learned- Birthday Reflections

On this my birthday I am taking the time to reflect on lessons learned.
1. Life is fleeting. Tomorrow is not promised. Live fully each day.
2. True wealth is hidden in your relationships. Invest in them. You will be a richer person for the experiences and leassons learned.
3.Love cost everything in exchange for more than you will ever give. Give without looking for a return, the root always trave
ls from the seed.
4. Know the gifts inside of you are priceless. If you don’t kow your value others will never acknowledge it.
5. Live to give yourself away. No one can ever take anything from what has already been surrendered.
6. When people offend you. It usually has very little to do with you and everything to do with their brokeness. Have mercy!
7.Obey God without question. His way always stands at the endof the matter. He is faithful to meet you on the other side of your obedience.
8. This life is meant to be lived to the fullest. Don’t insult God by not taking ful advantage of everything He has given us.


Love and religion can often be at odds. Religion can be too restrictive-a silent killer of passionate relationships,while love nurtures and kindles the embers in our hearts until a raging fire warms us,drawing others to the light because the loving heart is inviting and contagious.
Going through the motions without the emotions(empty religion) feels much like empty intimacy-the type that signals the love affair is over. But to be motivated to obedience by love is to excite the heart of God. Forget the rules,all the thee’s and thou’s, and choose to simply throw yourself into the arms of God-loving Him and serving Him more than just a one-time event-it becomes the promise of an exhilarating future spent with the Lover of your soul. It’s obvious you are in love. It’s written all over your face and all over your walk. A spiritually alive woman wears her emotions on more than her sleeve;she wears them on her entire life. Her life becomes a witness to others of what she believes and whom she serves.

What is the motivating factor for the choice you make in life and your everyday situations?

Why Do I Say Yes When I Need to Say No?

Late in the midnight hour talking with a friend of mine we discussed why we do what we do even when we know it is not right.  Why the endless struggle to just do things God’s way? Given how much we profess our faith and ascribe to having a relationship with Christ, why does this thing called temptation get the best of us from time to time. I noted that everytime I became impatient or doubtful of if God would give me what I wanted I found myself vulnerable to falling. To taking life into my own hands and like a true “sistah” I do it for myself! But isn’t that the original sin in the garden? Or at least so she thought. There was no evidence to substantiate the serpents claim that God didn’t want her to be like Him knowing good and evil at the time. Uh, huh! The serpent was able to convince Eve she needed knowledge God did not give her. He convinced her that she was missing out on something. God was a suspect God. He was holding out on her. You better do it for yourself girlfriend! You owe it to yourself… you know that line The serpent made her lose faith in God for a long enough period of time to make her grasp at fulfillment on her own. The cost of her fatal mistake and afternoon snack has cost us all dearly as we too, now struggle with the same conversations with the same serpent in our own personal gardens. So I concluded when we lose faith in God we sin. Plain and simple. When we stop believing in God we believe in ourselve or others to fulfill us, to provide our wants and needs… Lets unpack this…

The absence of faith is what makes us sin. Think about it. Singles struggle with compromising in the area of sex or choosing the wrong partner because they don’t know when they will get another opportunity for true love and intimacy! The married person has an affair because they don’t believe their spouse will ever meet their unmet needs… people steal because they dont’ believe they can honestly get what they need… on and on. the root of all our issues with caving into what our heart demands is not trusting God to meet us on the other side of our obedience with the blessing we so deeply desire. Can you really do things God’s way and get the desire of  your heart? Can He provide you with your soulmate? Can He get your spouse to love you the way you want? Will He supply your needs? Yes, but perhaps not in the time frame you had in mind. We want to skip the process of becoming people who can handle the blessing properly and just get to the blessing. God help us all! So how do we stand firm in times of temptation? A few simple tips?

1. Make sure we are truly connected to the Lover of our Soul.  When you are deeply in love you know, love and trust your lover completely. You will wait for them to fulfill their promises. We won’t cheat on Him and flirt with other lovers (gods).

2. Know Gods’ Word and His promises for you. You can’t wait if you don’t know what you are waiting for. Knowing His heart also means you know how He feels about you and what He wants for you. When you know He loves you and wants the best for your life  you can stand in confidence and not settel for less than the best for your lie.

3. Keep it real with a friend who can talk you through those moments when  you don’t think you can stand on your own. Somebody saying “chile, are  you crazy!?” helps, sho nuff. If you know you have to be accountable and the question will be asked, “How’s that going?” it will keep you on the right path. When I had to check in at Weight Watchers I didnt’ want the scale to tell on me so I stuck to my diet, same principle in life across the board. If  you only answer to yourself you are in trouble before you begin. The heart will always make up excuses for you. It is deceitful  and wicked, don’t trust it!

4. Set boundaries that protect you from your weaknesses. Don’t become paralyzed by them, just be honest with yourself and others so you can stand. I don’t keep sweets in my house, ’cause if they are there I will eat them! Get it? This is a maturity issue. A child keeps screaming til it gets what it wants. But adults learn to wait and pace themselves to get or achieve what they want in life. They have clear cut strategies for moving forward toward their dreams. So have a plan for yourself that keeps you on track. The last fruit of the spirit that no one talks about is Self Control or Discipline. You can’t be an adult without them. Make these two your best friends and see what happens to your life. Any successful person  you see walks with these two friends!

5. Finally brothers and sisters, love yourself enough to say no. Say no to things, situations and people who will cost you dearly later  after the initial pleasure wears off. Even the Bible admits that sin is pleasurable, but adds the caveat– for a season. There is a price to pay for everytime we wander from God’s path.  Lets grow up and develop longterm vision. After all this is your life, invest in yourself by not spending yourself foolishly.It’s called growing up with a healthy dose of surrender– which, by the way is your reasonable act of worship for all that Christ has done for you. So die a little, in order to live to the fullest.

Love  you madly, so want us all to get this thing called life right!

The Benefits of Hearsay

They said Jesus drank too much, ate too much and hung out with all the wrong people. What do people say about you? They also said he was a Healer, a miracle worker with an amazing teacher an astounding understanding of the Word of God. What do people see you doing? The religious leaders feared him, demons fled from him, sinners and the broken sought him out. What effect do you have on those around you? He refused to sin, refused to be tempted by offers of power, refused to have his own agenda or compromise the will of His Father? What do you refuse to do? He was clear about His mission. What is yours? Knowing the answer has everything to do with you fulfilling your destiny… not only to know Him, but to be a true imitator of Christ having an impact in the world that is felt in the heavens!

Things to consider

Last night the power went out for an hour… I lit candles and continued talking and laughing with friends. When I woke up this morning there was no water running in my home but I took it in stride…I knew the water would come, in the meantime I brushed my teeth with bottled water, filled the sink with the rest and finished my toilette.  But guess what? These things make me put life at large in perspective. This morning I woke up in my right mind, with all my body parts working!The pine-apple was sweet. My neighbor had a new puppy. Somethings I once took for granted I now celebrate. For many years when I lived in America I took a lot of things for granted. I heard of lack in other parts of the world but it was not my experience. Now on some micro level it has become a part of my reality now that I live in Ghana. Life is not always as convenient as it used to be. But this too is all relative. On the one hand America looks like the land of plenty. On the other hand many wonder at the plight of Americans and the mortgage situation there. They can’t relate to losing their home because here they build their houses brick by brick. Their homes are paid for by the time they move in and remain in the family for generations. Mortgages are a new thing to this part of the world and not readily embraced because people are used to living on a cash basis. They can’t afford to have credit, the interest is too high! So in a way there is no economic crisis! As for the quality of life, it cannot be compared. In a land where relationship takes priority over business I have to pause to reconsider how I approach my own relationships. How much reverence do I render to my interpersonal interactions. At the end of the day. Waht do I make the most time for? What is really important? Where is my wealth really stored? It is in my relationship with God, family, friends and associates. I live in a land where people take the time to celebrate life, love and yes, even death. Every benchmark of life is memorialized. Every moment spent together honored. This has not only transformed my mindset, it has had a positive effect on my emotions and my health. I am far more joyful and peaceful. Even the urgent is not urgent, it finds its place in the right spot as I practice being more present in the moment at hand. At the end of the day, everything is still there, no worse for wear. Perhaps you find yourself stressed and at the breaking point far too often. Take a deep breath and take the time to live in the moment allowing everyone and everything around you to settle like soft falling rain preparing the ground for the seeds God want to plant in your life.  Be still and know that He is God, the fruit of your life will come to bear in the fulness in time. In the meantime stop to enjoy the present, basking in the presence of His spirit and those who matter most.  Remember no one is going to talk about all you acquire or achieve after you are gone. They will only remember how you made them feel. Good feelings begin with you feeling good. Dont take that for granted!

Moving Forward

As I settle back into being single, single, single :) You know some folk are single, but not really, if you know what I mean… I consider lessons learned from my last relationship.

First, I do not believe that God prevents anything in our lives. I believe when we listen to Him and respond to His word and instruction that He protects us from everything– disapointment, pain, our own bad decisions, the unseen factors we may not see for quite some time to come, etc. God loves us so much that if we are truly surrendered to Him, He will always make a way of escape from wrong situations or the places that are not good for you that we might unwittingly venture from time to time.

Secondly, every good man might not be God’s man for you. I so want His good, acceptable and perfect will for my life, don’t you? I have not waited this long in life to settle on any front when it comes to my life. Remember that God is determined to give you His best as well as what is best for you. Expect it and don’t embrace anything less.

Thirdly, it is wise to wait to make major decisions in your life, especially after experiences trauma, drama, or difficult times. Your emotional pores are open and susceptible to ingesting things God might not have intended for you.Just because he recues you doesnt mean he is right for you.  This is right up there with the verse in Proverbs that says “to the hungry soul, every bitter thing seems sweet” Wait until you are whole and can see clearly before moving forward to avoid further heartache.

Fourth, God does use people in our lives for specific reasons to faciliate His larger agenda for your life. Don’t take it personally when He removes them. Be willing to recognize the end of a season and move on. There is a time for dying and making room for sweeter fruit, allow the master Gardener to prune you, anticipating the blessing to come.

Fifth, every disapointment is an opportuntiy for greater hope to be birthed if you trust that in Christ you never lose anything worth keeping. Every good and perfect gift comes from above. If something or someone is removed from your life it is to make room for something greater.

Sixth, keep checking in with God and surrending the thing you love most even in the good season and stay open to hearing Gods’ voice and instruction. Sometimes situations and people change. God knows ahead of time every turn we take and prepares our heart for those unanticipated moments according to His design, so that in the end you can escape the sting of the pain the enemy of our hearts intended for your devastation. What the enemy meant for evil God will ultimately use for His good to make you wiser, stronger and hopefully more sweet!

Remember, relationships will come and go, all things will pass away, but it still ain’t over til we see Jesus, and trust me that is when the ultimate love experience that will be everlasting will begin. So in the words of Evita, “Don’t cry for me Argentina” pray for me instead that I will continue to soar on the wind of God’s plan for my life, onward and upward! I will continue to dance as if no one is watching, sing as if no one is listening and love as if I’ve never been hurt. It’s called faith…plain and simple… the only real adventure.

To Marry or Not to Marry?

I have to admit, the first half of my life marriage was on my goal list. Probably more because I thought it was supposed to be than anything else. Yes there was a real desire there for marriage but for all the wrong reasons. The external pressure became greater than my internal desire for marriage. As I grew to embrace my single status, my purpose, pursuing my destiny, and a deeper intimacy with Christ, marriage fell off my goal list and I realized that it wasn’t so much that I wanted to be married… I wanted to be married to the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. At the time I had not met that person. This is when I realized that the end goal should not be just getting married. The end goal should be spending your life with someone that you met who is so wonderful  you no longer want to live apart from them. When no one like that is in sight I find that marriage is not on my list of things to do. There is no inspiration for it. I do not want to marry a dream or an oasis. I want to marry a real live man who adds to my world, who challenges me to be a better me, who takes me to a whole new level of understanding the love of God.

I believe it is important to understand the purpose of marriage through God’s eyes in order to put marriage in perspective. Marriage is more about God’s will and kingdom agenda than about our personal desires. God wants to put together power couples that reflect what the kingdom of God looks like and how it works. The intimacy, children, joy and validation we get are all extra perks, company benefits I will say, but they they are not the purpose of marriage. With this in mind, those of us who are single need to live each day with great purpose– the goal of becoming the best we can be. Whole, thriving and joyful! Have something to bring to the party called marriage should you reach the altar. The more fulfilled you are as a single the greater your power to choose the right mate. Desperation will never have the advantage of decieving you to settle for less thatn the best God has for you. The richer your life as a single person the greater your life will be as a married person. The more fulfilled you are as a single person, the least likely you will be to walk into marriage with unrealistic expectations that threaten to rob your joy and ruin your marriage. Should marriage be a goal? I think not. The goal is being where God wants you to be at any given moment, because that is the best place to be. In His presence is fulness of joy.