I Have No Man (Take Your Life Off of Hold)

Rule #1: Take Your Life Off of Hold.

A country could be run on the energy some women put into endlessly thinking about and discussing how to reach marital status quick, fast, and in a hurry before the biological clock strikes midnight. Their energy is not spent on living a purposeful life, and the joy that other areas of life offer is ignored, for the most part. We call this common disease one-tree-itis—concentrating on the one thing you don’t have while missing the enjoyment from everything else that is at your disposal. The mother of all women, Eve, suffered from one-tree-itis and fell from grace. Ignoring all of her other options for satisfaction, she ate the fruit from the one forbidden tree. Many women have decided, assumed, or been taught that true happiness comes through a relationship with a man. So they postpone their happiness and wholeness until the right man shows up in their life. When they talk about happiness or wholeness, they immediately mention the man who isn’t there or their partner who isn’t right. They may even feel they have a good excuse for being unproductive in other areas of their lives—on which the presence or absence of a man has no bearing.

Are you feeling as if God is holding out on you, refusing to give you a mate, not paying attention to your needs or desires? Are you feeling like a woman’s got to do what a woman’s got to do in order to get what she wants? Are you feeling as if taking matters into your own hands is a better gamble than waiting any longer on God’s divine timing?

You can wait so long for something you think will bring you happiness that waiting actually replaces the pursuit of happiness. As you fix your gaze on that one desire, you postpone or miss your happiness because you don’t recognize present opportunities for joy.

Excerpt From: Michelle McKinney Hammond & Joel Brooks. “What Women Don’t Know (and Men Don’t Tell You).”  – Available on Amazon, BarnesAndNoble, iBooks, GooglePlay, Nook, Kindle and others. To learn more about Michelle, you can visit: www.MichelleHammond.com


Colossians 3:15 says to “let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts.” Another translation of this verse urges you to allow peace to be the referee or umpire in your heart. This makes sense if you have ever been to a baseball game. The player hits the ball and takes off running. The fielder catches the ball and throws it to first base. The runner and ball get there at the same time. The fans who are rooting for the runner insist that he was safe. Those rooting for the defensive team insist that he was out. Both believe what they saw.

The point is, what you want has a lot to do with what you see. If you want this person to be right for you, you tend to only see things that confirm your feelings. But if you allow peace to be the umpire, your heart will be able to rest in the fact that at the right time the right man will declare his love and commitment for you. That peace will enable you to see things as they really are and make the right call on your relationship.

When the runner and the ball have arrived at the base at the same time, no matter what the fans believe they saw, the umpire gives a signal for either safe or out. If you do not have peace about the person you are thinking about marrying, you need to declare them out. Unrest is the Holy Spirit trying to tell you that your heart is not safe with this person. You should not marry him in this case, even if he appears to be perfect for you. He is possibly the right person, but perhaps it is the wrong time. The bottom line: If you do not have peace, then something is wrong. You must wait!

Once again, this brings us back to the concept of being whole. You will know the peace of God about marriage if you have peace in general. If peace isn’t a regular aspect of your life, will you know when it leaves? When the right person enters your life, your peace will remain. When the wrong person enters, your peace will leave.

Excerpt From: Michelle McKinney Hammond & Joel Brooks. “What Women Don’t Know (and Men Don’t Tell You).

Available for purchase on Amazon, BarnesAndNoble, iBooks, GooglePlay, Nook, Kindle and others. To learn more about Michelle McKinney Hammond, visit www.MichelleHammond.com

Remove the Obstacles to Wholeness

Women fall into very different categories regarding the longing for love. The first is “I have no man.” The second is “I have had one man too many.” Varying lines of reason in this second category include the “Hey, someone is better than no one” way of thinking, which can lead to a succession of relationships with the wrong type of men. And there is the “Since there is a shortage of men, I’m not opposed to sharing” group. Then there are those who have suffered so much disappointment with men that they now seek consolation in the arms of other women. All of these responses of the heart spring from disappointment, shame, frustration, and anger. They lead from tearful “Why me’s?” to cynicism to empty eyes and flat voices that conclude, “It doesn’t really matter.”

But it does matter. Your disappointment matters to the One who created love. God wants our love experiences to be far more fulfilling than what they’ve been so far. Jesus demonstrated this intent when he went out of his way to meet a woman who had grown disillusioned from her experiences with love. He told his disciples in John 4:4 that he had to go to Samaria, a place “decent” Jewish folk avoided because they felt the people who lived there were beneath them. Samaritans were not kosher (or “pure”). They were a mixed race. The Jews did not agree with their lifestyles or their religious views, so they put a lot of effort into going around rather than through Samaria. Though Jesus was Jewish, he felt the need to make a stop there. While in the Samaritan desert, after the disciples left in search of food, Jesus sat down by a well to rest and waited until the woman he sought made an appearance.

Excerpt From: Michelle McKinney Hammond & Joel Brooks. “What Women Don’t Know (and Men Don’t Tell You).” – Available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, iBook, Google Play, Kindle, Nook and others. To learn more, visit: MichelleHammond.com



“A man commits based on how he feels in your presence. If you believe that God will supply you with a mate, it makes sense that you will come across this person while you are doing God’s will. That setting allows a man to observe you more closely. I (Joel) have ministered at various churches where someone has caught my eye. When I asked about one gorgeous lady, the pastor’s response was, “She is a good person but her walk has not been consistent.” The recommendation was less than glowing, so I did not proceed any further. This woman never knew I was interested. Many women never realize that their demeanor or the wrong kind of friends or habits may have cost them what could have possibly been a great relationship. Ruth was simply serving her mother-in-law, with no other motive but to serve, when Boaz noticed her. This act of devotion positioned her for her destiny. You never know when your Boaz may be watching.

Be in position. Be in place. Be found doing the will of God with a consistent life and commendable character, as opposed to wanting to get your life together after meeting a good Christian man. If you are walking in the purpose God has designed for your life, you will have a God appointment. You will happen on the place that puts you in plain view of your mate. So check your motivation for being where you are. Is your intention to be productive for the sake of God’s kingdom? If your answer is yes, you will be in the right place at the right time. Or are you going to that church just because a bunch of good-looking single men go there?”


There are five qualities that should be present in the heart of a man you are considering for a mate:
1. He should be moved to provide for you.
2. He should be moved to protect you.
3. He should see himself as the solution to your needs or problems.
4. He should guard your reputation.
5. He should have to go through something to get you, not because you are a victim, but because you are a good woman.

All of these elements came together in the heart of Boaz in the story of the young widow, Ruth.”

Excerpt From: Michelle McKinney Hammond & Joel Brooks. “What Women Don’t Know (and Men Don’t Tell You).”



Available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, iBooks, Google Play, Nook, Kindle and others.