#66 Dreams

Excerpt taken from “101 Ways To Get & Keep His Attention” written by Michelle McKinney-Hammond

Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labor (Ecclesiastes 4:9 KJV).

Let him be a partner with you in your dreams. Set goals together. In this world where independence is applauded, many men feel as if they are on the outside looking in. Don’t just harbor your dreams, share them. Allow him to be your lighthouse, guiding you toward your destination. The taste of mutual success is sweet. Make him a part of your success, and he will applaud you. Leave him outside of your aspirations, and he will resent your accomplishments.

In the same fashion, encourage his dreams and partner with him in them. Dreams, like secrets, are conspiratorial in nature. They bind two people together. Remember that a helpmeet is a woman who is equipped with everything her man needs to help him complete his God-given assignment in life. Single and married women alike must be cognizant of this and learn to have the man in their life share his dreams. This is an important component of friendship as well as courtship. As you fill this slot in his life, his heart will be drawn to you – the woman who helps him make his dreams come true. Be his dreamweaver, cultivate his dreams to life blend your touch into the fabric of his deepest longings. This is the secret to remaining the woman of his dreams.

#65 Secrets

Excerpt taken from “101 Ways To Get & Keep His Attention” written by Michelle McKinney-Hammond

A gift given in secret soothes anger (Proverbs 21:14).

Secrets are binding. They make a man feel he has access to a place in your heart that no one else does. In a sense, you give power to the person who is entrusted with your secrets. Empower your man. Inspire him to use his power wisely, which he will if he feels he has your trust. Again, you must leave room for a man to rise to the occasion. Give him something to work with. Allow him to feel that he is truly a part of you.

Trust makes people responsible. Give him responsibility. Things spoken in secret allows him to know that you have confidence in his ability to keep part of you that is sacred. Make him the keeper of something in your world, and he will assume his post with diligence.

Now a word of caution: This does not mean that you tell him the sordid details of your past mistakes you are ashamed of. God has thrown those things into the sea of forgetfulness, and you should not go fishing. However, if something from your past will affect your future with this man, then wait for the appropriate time (which is after he has committed himself to you) to carefully share only the details he needs to know. Many women feel the need to spill all the beans long before the man has made a heart decision toward them, and they find themselves in dismay when he vacates the scene. Remember that love covers a multitude of sins. If love isn’t there, he will not have the capacity to handle your past. Share the secret places of yourself, but carefully choose what you share. Make sure that what you confide binds and does not separate.

#75 Vulnerability

Excerpt taken from “101 Ways To Get & Keep His Attention” written by Michelle McKinney-Hammond.

“I am your servant Ruth,” she said. “Spread the corner of your garment over me, since you are a kinsman-redeemer” (Ruth 3:9)

Don’t mistake vulnerability for weakness. Just as meekness is strength under control, vulnerability is the capacity to unashamedly yield to your needs and make them known. Nothing pulls at a man’s heartstrings more than your vulnerability. It exposes your inner being, the softer side of you, which is always appealing. It is subtle flavor, not seen with the eye, yet you know it is there when you taste it.

There is something about someone who can simply say, “This is what I need, can you help me?” Lack of vulnerability merely reveals pride. Pride in strength you don’t truly possess. An I can-do-it-all-by-myself attitude repels those who want to be part of your world. Pride builds walls that no man can, or wants to climb. It presents a false bravado that is hard for even the most willing to penetrate. Sometimes we find ourselves trapped behind walls of pride that we no longer know how to tear down. But in order to experience true love, the walls must come down and be replaced with transparency.

Remember, the woman who allows her man to help her will go far. But the woman who insists on making it happen on her own will most likely stand alone and fail alone.

All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble” (1 Peter 5:5).

Woman #78

Excerpt taken from “101 Ways To Get & Keep His Attention” written by Michelle McKinney-Hammond

“The man said, This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman’, for she was taken out of a man” (Genesis 2:23).

A woman who enjoys being a woman is the most desirable creature to a man. Feminine, all girl, we are a mystery to men they are determined to solve. There is something about women that man envy. You should enjoy the aspects of your femininity. It is clear to a man when you are having a good time being who you were created to be.

A real man is looking for a real woman. He recognizes one when he sees her and desires to join himself to her, knowing deep within she is the missing piece of his existence.

What happens when you abdicate your feminine ways? You become unrecognizable as the one he is searching for. Like salt and pepper flavor a dish with the perfect balance, a man and woman season one another and make life a delicious adventure that both can savor. So be womanly. Soft and strong. Vulnerable and ferocious. Dependent and powerful. Wise and childlike. Stubborn and unpredictable. A host of subtle contradictions that make you all the more fascinating and deliciously all woman.

Fears

This excerpt is taken from “101 Ways to Get and Keep His Attention”

#64 Fears

Perfect love drives out fear (1 John 4:18)

Feeling fearful? Let him into that place with you. Let him see the things that frighten you. Make him responsible for your heart, and he will take care of it. If you build a wall to protect your own heart and emotions, watch him abdicate his responsibility. Don’t be confused. Though the Bible tells us to guard our hearts with all diligence, the principle is that you should shield your heart in the sense that you are careful and discerning of who deserves close proximity. However, if he has earned your trust, then by all means be open, transparent, and revealing.

A man needs to be your knight in shining armor. It is part of his very nature. Rob him of this, and his heart will grow restless and begin to search for something or someone who allows him to be all he was created to be. Allow him to cover you, to love you, and chase your fears away. Let him be your hero and fulfill his own need to be there for you.

The Language of Love

Excerpt taken from the book Sassy, Single and Satisfied with over 200,000 copies sold:

Many would say they feel loved based on what others do for them. One fondly remembers the day someone gave her flowers. ? Or soothed her pain. Or took the time to go out of his way to do something for her. She reflects upon these moments as expressions of true love. But can you really tell? Some people are nice for different reasons. To gain approval. To prove their own worth. To get something they want from you.

The true language of love is willing sacrifice. This is seldom thought of as we pursue finding the one true love of our lives. How much are you willing to sacrifice to have what you want? Your life as you know it to accommodate the interest of another? A dream that would interfere with your beloved’s? This is important. This is big. Think about what you would be willing to sacrifice for the love you want. Now translate that into acts of kindness in the lives of those who are available to be loved in your world at this very moment.

How much are are you willing to sacrifice?

Don’t Give Too Much, Too Soon

Excerpt taken from Secrets of an Irresistible Women by Michelle McKinney Hammond

“I gave myself to him, and he threw my love back in my face as if it were a piece of trash.” How many times have you heard that comment or sounded it yourself? The truth is most women give too much, too soon. They immediately tell men too much about their past experiences and overload them with too much present emotional data. Remember when your mother told you it behooves you to be a tad mysterious with men? She was right! A man wants you to be honest, but he doesn’t want you to be that honest. Do you really want to hear about all his past relationships? All of them? Sometimes that information can be helpful but sometimes it can be damaging. It’s safer for you to have more data on him than he has on you. Let me explain that this is not about being deceitful. It’s about judging what information his heart can handle without him looking at you in a judgmental light.

It seems to be more acceptable for a man to speak about all of his past relationships because society (the world at large) generally promotes this type of behavior on a man’s part. However, deep within a man’s psyche he’s still in search of a virgin to marry. He might play around with a loose woman, but when it comes to marry her he wants a woman he can trust. He is in search of a Principles woman. When you tell him about all your past relationships, he stores that information and it colors his view of you. After all, you are a Principles woman, you’re not suppose to do that. You were suppose to be sitting somewhere, praying and waiting for him. And while God is faithful to forgive your past mistakes in relationships, men have a harder time with that. So while he’s sitting there spilling his guts to you about all his past problems with women, don’t take that as a cue to spill all your beans. Keep you business to yourself, that’s why it’s call your business! Just nod understandingly, learn what you can about him from what he tells you, and say, “Well, we all have had bad experiences, and hopefully we learned from them.”

Set Your Own Pace

“Why does it seem that the woman always has to set the standard for everything” you may ask. The reality of life is, whether it is in the area of emotional or sexual etiquette, a man will always try a woman. But that’s where your power as a woman comes in. Instead of complaining about something that probably won’t change anytime soon, use your powers.

Set the pace and pick the flavor. It’s totally up to you how the relationship will go! God can’t make him treat you special if you act cheap. If you start off allowing him to be disrespectful of your time, inconsiderate of your feelings, selfish and altogether trifling, don’t get upset if he doesn’t change after you are committed to him. After all , you gave him your stamp of approval by proceeding with the relationship even after he revealed he was worthless.

If you, on the other hand, have politely and in your most ladylike way told that man, “Listen, this is not the type of treatment I am used to or find acceptable; therefore, I think you are not ready for a friendship or a relationship with me.” One of two things will happen: He will either accept that information as true even though it hurts his ego, or he will re-approach you from a new angle. Just keep in mind, he has already displayed his true colors.

THINK ABOUT IT!

Paying the Cost to Be the Boss

“A man will step up to the plate when his is ready to claim you. He will be intentional in the steps he takes to secure your hand in marriage”

When a man truly loves and wants a woman, no price is too high. He will give his all to acquire his pearl of great price. This is the prototype of a man who earns your love and respect by laying his all on the line. Jesus did it for His collective bride, the church, and He has placed that same spirit in the heart of every real man who understands his position in the love relationship.

This is a true test for a woman. It requires patience on her part.

Attraction Versus Respect

There is a huge difference between attraction and respect. You can actually be attracted to someone you don’t respect.

For an extreme example of this, let’s examine a guy at a topless bar. He sits in a trance like awe of the woman dancing in front of him. Should his daughter, sister, or mother come out to dance, however, he would be enraged. This man does not respect the woman on the platform. He is merely attracted to her. Lack of respect can cause great pain and eventually kill a relationship.

When you are emotionally healthy, you will have a deep attraction to someone you deeply respect because you both share the same values. Shared values are necessary for a happy and long-lasting relationship.

Excerpt taken from “What Women Don’t Know (and men don’t tell you)” written by Michelle McKinney Hammond and Joel A. Brooks Jr.